Tag Team Commentary: Owen Wilson

by Crom & D4V

Owen Wilson

Crom: Owen Wilson makes me sick. Not that kind of nauseuous sick, no no, i’m talking about the kind of sick that makes you vomit and shit yourself and the same time. I’m talking about a sick that reaches down into the bottom of your soul, and crushes it, like a beer can. His acting makes children cry, and women barf. Like chunky barf, the kind you have when you get food poisoning from sea food. His acting is like an old mans bowel movement: Long, tiring, and on frequent occasions painful. His acting is like small children explaining income tax to a blind man, in other words it makes no sense. His accomplishments are trivial, his life is a lie. The joke is on Owen Wilson.

D4V: That is a great summary of the common disliking we have for this piss poor actor. Whenever I see a preview for a new movie it may possibly hold my attention for a few minutes, but the minute I see Owen taking part in a role I immediately put this movie on the list of crap I’ll try and avoid.

Crom: Owen Wilson is the anti-christ, and his fans the followers of the beast. His parts are jovial, he is not. I would trade a burlap sack of hamburgers to not see Owen Wilson; i would trade my blood. His hit list is the thing which evil is made from, his parts the gnarled bones of Skeletor, the darkness. Shanghai Knights, I spy, Zoolander, The Royal T’s, Behind Enemy lines, Shanghai Noon, Meet the parents, The haunting and various other filmographic ABORTIONS that have taken place in the lives of countless people who never did anything to owen wilson to deserve…Owen Wilson. His stilted shenanigans and useless comedic “talent” has wasted so much film that could have been used to wipe scorcese’s ass. I want to kick the ass of him and all of his friends, so I’m going to need some names…

D4V: The worse part about this crummy actor is the fact that he can destroy my opinion of any actor participating near him: Jackie Chan. I used to enjoy watching Jackie Chan in a movie here and there, but now that he’s been in not only 1 but 2 movies with Mr. Wilson he’s tarnished my internal respect for this martial-arts-on-speed phenomena. There is good reason why I don’t like Zoolander (see Staff list here on R4NT), and it’s greatly in part that this actor is in it; not to mention this movie licks balls and is not funny. Owen hasn’t progressed as an actor, and seeing the fact that he is writing his own scripts doesn’t bring on much promise for the rest of the world either. Just goes to show that popular culture does indeed have bad taste.

Crom: They taste the chum of the new. They eat it like so much candy, on Halloween. But this isn’t Halloween, so why is Owen Wilson showing his face. He has ruined the careers of Jackie Chan. And in part helped the ruination of Ben Stiller (who did a lot of the work himself). Owen Wilson is bad, like asbestos, or too much salt on your potato. I will not watch him, or his movies, his presence on screen summons a rage inside me. Owen Wilson wakes the sleeping giant.

  • Tag Team Commentary: Owen Wilson
  • by Crom & D4V
  • Published on August 1st, 2003

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