Practical Jokes that are truly Practical
Joke #1: I think some of you will like this one. You ever see those signs on the side of the road that ask “Got junk?” and then have the phone number of some lunatic with a box truck who’ll charge you fifty thousand times what the dump will charge you to get rid of the pile of wood and washing machine you have in your back yard. I know a lot of people hate these signs, and by association the people who use them. So here’s the practical joke. You actually phone these people, and HIRE them to pick up various pieces of junk you’ve left around the city, of course it’ll cost some big dollar, but think of the look on their faces when they realize that you’ve hired them to go around the city and take their own signs and chuck them out at the city dump. Suckers.
Joke #2: I think the only way I could pull this off would be if I came into a bunch of money, but man it would be worth it. Get yourself a nice big RV. Stock ‘er up with lots of snacks and stuff, and then go driving and pick up as MANY hitchhikers that are trying to get to Vancouver as possible. Invite them to take a nap during the drive. While they sleep, haul ass over the border and get into Washington, grab a stop at some convenient rest area, and when they all get out to take a leak, yell out the window ?You’re only an hour away from Vancouver, but you’re on the wrong side of the 49th parallel, bitches!!? and then tear ass out of there. The practicality of this is still in with the R&D boys, but fuck would I laugh hard when these poor bastards tried to explain how they got into the US without any record of it showing anywhere. Prepare to have your cavities searched!
Joke #3: Go to a Uhaul location. Get yourself the biggest truck those son’s of whores have available. Probably a twenty five footer, maybe a twenty two, they never seem to have any of their largest vehicles around when you actually need one. Make sure to waive the extra insurance, assure the desk clerk that you have…TOTAL..coverage. You must then take a sofa, couple of chairs maybe, some heavy shit in any regard and travel to the city dump. Get rid of that shit you brought, and then, fill that fucker up with as much trash as you can shovel into it. Try to keep this on the down low, the garbage PO-PO will no doubt want to know why the hell you’re taking garbage away from the dump, and you can’t let those fascist bastards in on this little plan, they’ll fuck the whole deal up. Now, you have to drive this thing like a racecar all the way to border, and take some pictures of yourself crossing into a different country, essentially completely voiding the user agreement that you signed. Make sure to leave some of them in the glove compartment, and spill a few on the counter when you return the thing. Now take it back to their depot, return the keys, and then run across the street and wait for the magic to take place. I guarantee somebody there will take a gigantic shit in their pants. Fuck you Uhaul, you merciless sons of dogs.
- Practical Jokes that are truly Practical
- by Crom
- Published on August 1st, 2005
More from Crom:
-
Crom Interviews Serpentor
A notorious leader of hundred of battle hardened zealots Born from the genetic material of some of histories greatest conquerors and the twisted genius of Dr. Mindbender.
-
Rented Demented
..there’s a process that infuriates me far more then flying, that makes me want to take hostages, and negotiate with no one..
-
Crom Vs. Canadian Club
Let’s get one thing straight, I don’t drink rye all that often. In fact I hold firm to the belief that when you drink rye, you’re basically priming yourself to get into a fist fight.
-
Unlock the Secret Money Making Power of the Internet
..how exactly could I have been intimately familiar with the workings of the on-line world, and have missed this money making magic..
-
Originality, the forgotten lore
…It seems that anytime a movie deviates from the expected outcome, it’s considered a marvel of cinematography…
-
The Abuse of Power Hour
Striking an almost ghostly resemblance to the agents from the matrix these hard jawed Dudley Do-Rights have far more power then cops. They can detain you for any length of time, unlike the cops. And can have little to no justification for doing so..
Other recent features:
-
Sónar 2010 – Barcelona, Spain
The festival attracts a lot of outsiders, but the Mediterranean, Spanish and more specifically Catalan nature of the people makes the festival what it is. Catalan people are passionate and this passion is infectious. The atmosphere is electric in Barcelona as a city and heightened by music and intoxicants at Sónar.
-
Summer Party Naval Styles at Seven RestoLounge
Oysters, like wine are affected by terroir and these Miyagi’s flavor profiles ranged with one showing a cleaner, almost tropical profile and the other being more salty, marine driven. As I was devouring the seemingly endless plates put in front of us, I sipped on a glass of fine sauvignon blanc.
-
R4NT Radio March 2010
R4NT Radio March 2010 um wow it’s been far too long since the last edition edition, featuring: Hector Hernandez, The Infesticons, Blockhead, Gramatik, Emika, Thunderheist, Parov Stelar, Eddy Meets Yannah, Anti-Pop Consortium, The Slew, Lighterthief, Andreya Triana, Parasyte Woman, Mathon, Venetian Snares, and Funki Porcini.
-
O Restaurant & Lounge revisited
Calgary has a diverse set of urban communities, most of which have the ubiquitous strip mall watering hole. In the South West community of Marda Loop, a reinvention of this paradigm has been established.
-
Predictions 2010.. and beyond!
So 2010 eh? Almost but not quite (no year zero they say) another decade? It seems like just yesterday that the world was waiting for Y2K. R4NT started publishing in March 2001, so we’re not quite 10 years old yet, but in internet years we are already a senior citizen.
-
Invictus
No matter what, the reality of Nelson Mandela is something that deserves screen time. Should this film even remotely intrigue the masses to take interest in this figure, the world would likely benefit greatly from it.