CO2 – We Call It Death

by Gordon McDowell

When I first saw “An Inconvenient Truth”, I was touched deeply by Al Gore’s naivete. To bring science and facts to the global warming debate is a bit like bringing a knife to a gunfight. Al, nice try. But the only way to fight stupid is with even more stupid. I’ll take over now.

The fact is, CO2 is the leading cause of death, world wide. Whether you’re a crack whore, dying from an overdose, an old man who’s heart finally stops beating, or a grunt in the army getting shot in the middle east… your death comes when your brain stops receiving fresh oxygen, and is stuck with crappy old carbon dioxide.

And its on that stupid note, I provide a rebuttal to Competitive Enterprise Institute’s commercial, CO2 IS LIFE. Which, by the way, you paid for at the gas pump.

Carbon Dioxide, also known as “CO2” and “The Silent Killer”, is produced when we exhale. Our bodies convert oxygen, to carbon dioxide, as do all animals.

Studies on on mice, monkeys, and humans have shown one undisputed fact: direct correlation between exposure to pure Carbon Dioxide, and slow, agonizing death.

CO2 is colorless and odorless. Symptoms of exposure include dizziness, shortness of breath, inability to focus mentally, and death. Carbon Dioxide can strike at any moment, and kills people of all age, races and political persuasion.

When Ann Coulter finally dies… we’ll all have Carbon Dioxide to thank. But our gratitude will be short-lived. As carbon dioxide won’t stop there. Its killing spree will continue unabated, until it gets every last one of us! Damn you carbon dioxide, you are a harsh mistress.

“Why don’t we just exterminate all animals and humans?”

If only it were that easy. CO2 is also produced by burning fossil fuels… for example in an internal combustion engine… in your car. The engine. Its an internal combustion engine.

“Why don’t we just exterminate all cars?”

If only it were that easy. Cars take us from point A to point B. Cars have stereo systems we can listen to music on while we drive. If it weren’t for cars, there would be no way to signal with blinkers when we change lanes.

“Can we make cars that produce less Carbon Dioxide?”

If only it were that easy. When the state of California passed a law capping automobile CO2 emissions, the Bush administration responded in March 2006, by enacting lower federal standards, which they claimed pre-empted the tighter Californian standards. It is self evident that George W. Bush knows something about the dangers of fuel efficiency that he’s not telling us.

The fact is, Carbon Dioxide is here to stay. You produce it every time you press down on the gas pedal. You produce it every time you exhale. Energy efficiency, like using LED light bulbs, or hybrid cars may SOUND like a simple solution. But sometimes the simplest solutions… are in fact the stupidest [inhale and hold breath during credits].


Fuel Economy for New Cars Is at Lowest Level Since ’80 — New York Times, May 17: The overall fuel economy of new cars and trucks sold in America, after improving slightly a year ago, has dropped back to the lowest levels since 1980, a new government report indicates. The Transportation Department report estimates that the average fuel economy of all cars and light trucks sold in 2001 will be 24.5 miles a gallon, the same as in 1999 and slightly below the 24.7 miles a gallon in 2000. The peak was 26.2 miles a gallon in 1987, before automakers began selling large numbers of gas-guzzling sport utility vehicles.

US drivers want better mileage when they fill up — Christian Science Monitor, June 21, 2001: By a nearly 5-to-1 margin, Americans surveyed say they would favor a new law that would force car manufacturers to increase auto and truck fuel mileage.

Federal Rules Come Under Fire

  • CO2 – We Call It Death
  • by Gordon McDowell
  • Published on August 22nd, 2006
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Cyclone Catarina from the ISS on March 26 2004
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