Douglas Adams VS. Crom: Literary Showdown
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the main event, tonight will prove to be a truly unique battle in the square of champions. We have an established, heartfelt, well known fighter from the land of tea and biscuits; some of his earlier bouts known around the world as the finest that most critics have seen, and facing off against him, is a virtual unknown, with little published work to speak of, and an ego that teeters from brazenly cocky to china doll fragile like the precarious seat of an over-worked rickshaw. We have a drunken street walker officiating tonight’s fight.
And there’s the bell, and our two fighters come out of their respective corners, ready to rumble. Adams in fine form, edging inwards of the big mans reach, lobbing a hum dinger of a right hook’s worth of Amphigory! The bigman counter with a quick Syllogism, a poor man’s defense if ever there were one…but wait, the logical puff was a fake out, as he ducks under Adams guard and unleashes a Dadaist flurry to the midsection. That’ll be the first and last underestimation by the seasoned fighter. Bobbing and weaving Adams returns for more… uh oh, look out he throws a Hanging Epic into the mix, Crom with a enjambed sonnet block to dystopian counter, this is shaping into a real battle royale! The two fighters have hugged each other, each trying to sway the momentum of his opponent. Our official is trying to break them up, fortunately the 3 or 4 quarts of gin he consumed appears to be affording him super human strength, allowing him to dislodge the fighters, and the fight resumes…
Adams is coming in fierce now, blasting away his opponent with Euphemism, Crom parrying the florid display wildly, trying to keep his balance, and returning! He comes at Adams with dysphemism that would make Chaucer balk! We’ve got a real rhubarb on our hands folks, Adams came out strong, but he didn’t expect the cunning young buck to have this kind of arsenal at his disposal, this is any man’s match now. Adams is backing Crom into the corner and ruining his party with an invective triphammer, this could be a serious threat to the so far good showing by the unknown, he’s countering with a juvenalian satire, good combination I might add, but this may not be enough to stop Adams from tearing a new one from the contender. Crom letting slip the dog’s of war, with his patented sarcasm long-arm, he’s managed to shake off Adams and…oh! There’s the bell ladies and gentlemen that is the end of the fight, let’s have a look at our panel of judges to see the outcome.
Final Judgement:
Douglas Adams is a sentimental Deist with closeted eschatological paranoia
Crom is a long-arm Picaresque with dusty Frankl tomes hidden under his bed.
From Madison Square Garden, this is ESPN Live Literary Coverage.
- Douglas Adams VS. Crom: Literary Showdown
- by Crom
- Published on December 1st, 2004
More from Crom:
-
Bill and Ted’s bogus journey
…Everything is in blackout, we have no clue what’s around us, I just know charlie’s up ahead somewhere and that we’re gonna take care of him right good…
-
Crom Interviews Serpentor
A notorious leader of hundred of battle hardened zealots Born from the genetic material of some of histories greatest conquerors and the twisted genius of Dr. Mindbender.
-
The 6 ½ reasons I woke up drunk in Perkins
..what chain of events were so skewed as to leave me stranded at a all night diner, a long way from home, extremely inebriated and with little to no recollection of the past 24 hours..
-
Chalk it up to the Y
…Granted that getting into a girls underwear requires a minimum amount of skill (in some cases), and that for the most part women allow themselves to manipulated…
-
A Dying Reality TV Producer
How come nobody ever thought about having a show, where the contestants have a roast beef fight? You know, running around, laughing, and throwing freshly sliced, warm roast beef.
-
Bad Dreams
I’m partially awake, and I know I should just get up, just roll the hell out of bed and get a glass of water, and dispel the visions but I don’t.
Other recent features:
-
Sónar 2010 – Barcelona, Spain
The festival attracts a lot of outsiders, but the Mediterranean, Spanish and more specifically Catalan nature of the people makes the festival what it is. Catalan people are passionate and this passion is infectious. The atmosphere is electric in Barcelona as a city and heightened by music and intoxicants at Sónar.
-
Summer Party Naval Styles at Seven RestoLounge
Oysters, like wine are affected by terroir and these Miyagi’s flavor profiles ranged with one showing a cleaner, almost tropical profile and the other being more salty, marine driven. As I was devouring the seemingly endless plates put in front of us, I sipped on a glass of fine sauvignon blanc.
-
R4NT Radio March 2010
R4NT Radio March 2010 um wow it’s been far too long since the last edition edition, featuring: Hector Hernandez, The Infesticons, Blockhead, Gramatik, Emika, Thunderheist, Parov Stelar, Eddy Meets Yannah, Anti-Pop Consortium, The Slew, Lighterthief, Andreya Triana, Parasyte Woman, Mathon, Venetian Snares, and Funki Porcini.
-
O Restaurant & Lounge revisited
Calgary has a diverse set of urban communities, most of which have the ubiquitous strip mall watering hole. In the South West community of Marda Loop, a reinvention of this paradigm has been established.
-
Predictions 2010.. and beyond!
So 2010 eh? Almost but not quite (no year zero they say) another decade? It seems like just yesterday that the world was waiting for Y2K. R4NT started publishing in March 2001, so we’re not quite 10 years old yet, but in internet years we are already a senior citizen.
-
Invictus
No matter what, the reality of Nelson Mandela is something that deserves screen time. Should this film even remotely intrigue the masses to take interest in this figure, the world would likely benefit greatly from it.