Well this was not the article I intended to write for this issue of R4NT but as I was writing a different piece that was based on me basically I stumbled across a train of thought that I needed to pursue. That one random thought is what gave birth to what you are about to read. For some reason as I sat at my computer trying to finish the first article my mind drifted to a few nights ago when I was called a male slut. Now the fact that I was called a slut doesn’t really bother me all that much because it is simply another persons view on my morals and lifestyle. No if your definition of slut is someone who enjoys sex and intimacy and touching and generally feeling and making someone feel good for whatever period of time then yeah I guess I am a slut. The thing that bothered me about being called a slut was the other person view on my sex life and the stigma that seems to be all to common in our world today.
I suppose I should start out with a little back story about myself so that the readers out there who don’t know me that well have an idea of who I am and where I’m coming from. I was a pretty timid kid when it came to women, I didn’t have my first french kiss until I was 17, I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 18 and you know what I’m glad I didn’t lose it at 14 which appears to have become the common age now but I digress thats a whole other can of worms. After losing my virginity I bounced around from relationship to relationship putting on the front with my friends pretending I was getting laid a lot more than I was simply because as sad as it is sexual conquests are kind of proving ground for young male’s.
This went on for a few years and each and every time I was with someone new I was still ashamed of my body for some reason, I would turn my back as I undressed or dressed and would try to hide myself from my partner. The sex was mediocre at best, why because I was ashamed with my body and my “private parts” and which in turn destroyed what little confidence I had in the bedroom. This all changed the day I met someone that became a big part of my life. We were together for around 4 years and every time we were together sexually we both became more and more at ease with our bodies and each other and more and more confident in ourselves. I learned to communicate my desires and to play the aggressive and the submissive roles, I was no longer ashamed of my body and actually became proud of it. We are no longer together but what I took from that relationship has stuck with me as anyone who knows me now can attest. I’m the guy that will get naked on a whim at a party and stand there unabashed in front of strangers. Do I have the biggest cock, or the best muscles, or the clearest skin or the best muscle definition? Nope, but you know what I don’t give a fuck, its my body and I like it and I see no reason to feel shamed by it.
Now onto my problem with this person’s view on my sex life. I’ll admit I do sleep with quite a few women and I won’t apologize for it because I enjoy it. I don’t lie to them I tell them the truth about everything, I tell them I don’t want a girlfriend, I tell them that I find them physically attractive and that I would love to spend time exploring their bodies and sharing a night of fun and passion together. They label me a slut the same title that is more often then not applied to women who have had as few as five sexual partners. Why do you feel the need to make person feel bad about themselves simply because they enjoy having sex? Why is it a bad thing that this person is exploring their sexuality? The term slut is a brutal one and even in this day and age of “sexual enlightenment” people are still harangued by others because they simply fulfilled their basic and primal sexual desires. What right do you have to attempt to make me feel bad about myself simply because I hold different views than you.
Am I am in some way hurting you? Not in any way that I can see.
Am I victimizing women and taken advantage of them? Well considering 9/10 times I have repeated contact with the women I sleep with I can only surmise that they enjoy the fact that I am a confident lover who will make them feel good about themselves and their bodies.
Is what I am doing detrimental to society in any way? I don’t think so in fact I think someone who holds my views on sex and their bodies is actually quite the opposite of a detriment to society.
On to the topic of what seems to be the popular opinion that we should be ashamed of our bodies. I don’t know where this idea started, maybe it was your parents beliefs, maybe they lacked the ability to talk to their kids about sex and masturbation and experimentation and instead decided to shame their kids into thinking that sex and their bodies were something to be ashamed of in the hopes of not having to deal with the real issues. Maybe it’s the result of a person’s religion. I’m not sure what it is that makes the majority of people freeze like a deer in headlights when the subject of sex, whether it be with a partner or the solo kind, comes up in anything other than a humorous manner. Here’s a perfect example of how these views destroy a persons confidence and quite literally the ability to enjoy themselves. I recently had a relationship with a beautiful woman. I mean this girl was an absolute knock out, we had a lot of fun together until it came to the bedroom.
The first time we had sex together she was extremely timid, I mean a lot more so then most women that go to bed with me. No matter how much coercing I did, or attempted confidence building would bring this poor girl out of her shell. Now not to say that she didn’t enjoy sex just not nearly as much as she would have and you know why, because she had been brainwashed into believing her body was a sinful thing through her mothers overbearing religious views. We talked a lot about it and she told me she had never even masturbated because she believed it was a sin to do so. When this poor girl should have been thinking of nothing other than how good she felt in the moment the only thing going through her mind that what she was doing was wrong. I couldn’t even light a candle, not because she didn’t want me to see her naked but because she didn’t want to see herself naked.
This coming from a girl who was a knockout. All because she had had her confidence stripped from her when she was young, we aren’t born with a poor body image, shit look at how many three year olds you see running around in their back yards stripping their clothes off much to there parent embarrassment. And why are their parents embarrassed because they to have been taught that they to should be ashamed of their bodies. What people don’t realize is that when you push these beliefs on people and teach them to be ashamed of their bodies you are stripping from them not only their self confidence but their ability to fully enjoy what I think is one of the greatest moments that two people (or more ha) can share. The best lovers are the ones who have a high confidence level and the ones who have somehow escaped this stupid social stigma that our bodies are dirty things that need to be covered and hidden unless we’re in the fucking shower. The most amazing compliment I have ever received from a women was when she told me that I had a beautiful cock and when I started to laugh and move in to kiss her she asked me to just lie still so she could admire it for a minute. At that moment I felt like fucking superman. And you know what, it was some of the best sex I have ever had, because with those simple words she took my confidence to another level that I didn’t even know I possessed.
So for all you out there that like to label people as sluts why not take a minute to think about it. Maybe they aren’t sluts maybe just maybe they are simply people that hold what seems to be a rare view of themselves. Maybe they simply enjoy sex and have lost the inhibitions that plague so many people. Maybe they’ve cast off the great weight that it seems most people tie to any sexual act. And maybe if you could bring yourself to talk openly and frankly with a person like that you might just learn something from that person. So the next time you see yourself in the mirror instead of throwing that towel on as soon as you get out of the shower why not take a few minutes to let the steam clear and take a good look at yourself. You might be surprised to find that your body is actually quite a beautiful thing.
- by Silenced Scream
- Published on February 1st, 2006
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