Crom Interviews: Mumm-Ra
Crom’s subject this issue is The Ever Living devil priest of Third Earth. The sound of his maniacal laugh emenating from his dreaded Black Pyramid makes the blood run cold of any man, woman, or feline. With an unending thirst for power, ladies and gentlemen…
Mumm-Ra!
Crom: Alrighty, awesome to have you here Mumm-Ra, it’s a great pleasure to interview you.
MR: Yeah, listen happy pants, I got two words for you: Hung. Over. So please, cut out that cheery shit, and lets get this show on the road.
Crom: Oh…kay… Well, considering the length of time that you’ve been alive, and the obvious evil power that you wield, I suppose the most important question is, Why do all of your plans fall apart so miserably?
MR: Whoa, easy buddy, I don’t see you enslaving the vicious Berserkers and commanding them to do your bidding, I don’t see YOU getting Slithe and Monkian to take care of your business. Why don’t you save the critique for when you’ve accomplished some evil there sonny. Besides, if you ever watch those mutant bastards at work, you would understand the kind of pressure I was under. I mean jesus, those fools couldn’t find daybreak in orbit.
Crom: So what is a typical day in the life of Mumm-ra? Do you spend some time with the minions, go over the evil plans, have some strategy sessions or..
MR: Listen, I’m going to have to interrupt you there. My heads killing me, have you got any Tylenol, or aspirin?
Crom: Aspirin…for a Mummy? How exactly does the physiology of someone…or thing…that is already dead, work in such a way as to cause your head to hurt? Is your blood pressure up? How the FUCK does a mummy even GET hung over?
MR: Listen shithead, have you ever allowed Jaggermeister to touch your lips? That stuff is so powerful that it could probably give a brick wall a hang over. Jesus, that stuff could actually bring the dead back to life. Maybe you oughta get out once in a blue moon, check out the scene. Hit a few bars…
Crom: Wait…are you telling me, that the reason you were late, and the reason you feel bad right now, is that YOU, a mummy, went out last night, to a BAR, and got DRUNK, and are now hung over?
MR: Wow…Mr. Wizard? Is that You? Who the fuck hired you to interview people? That’s some decisive journalism!
Crom: Hey at least I was….
MR: OH! I got me a Pen! And, a clipboard, and a DICK-ta-phone, now I can be the new Mike Wallace, I’m on sixty minutes! I remember when I was interviewed by Barbara Walters, and Mick Taison for Playboy, the Thundercats badboy is A-list, and I don’t think I need some snot nosed new comer telling me…
Crom: Hey! Listen up you bandaged up asshole, the last time your face graced television was 21 years ago, and possibly a couple of times since in some kind of nerdist misty-eyed remembrance ceremony for the lost action of the 80′s. You were by far the worst villain to ever fight a hero in any show. Skeletor would WIPE his ASS with your clothing, and then go and do something more brilliant with his eyes closed then anything you EVER did. In fact, I think a lot of people are wondering how you ever get around when you have to return to the Black Pyramid to recharge after you’ve walked 10 blocks. So take that bottle of water, and the complimentary muffin basket, and get the FUCK out of here. I don’t even understand WHY the magazine decided to
(Editors note: at this point it sounds as if Crom is smashing the tape recorder with his bare hands. Recording ends.)
- Crom Interviews: Mumm-Ra
- by Crom
- Published on February 1st, 2006
More from Crom:
-
Ode to the Nurses
I had been asked a number of times how I would rate the pain: 1 to 10. I asked if there was a higher number available, I said I was dying. To be fair, I really thought I was.
-
Fear and Loathing
…Once you’ve reached the point where all the things you once knew have become smoke and mirrors, you have to reboot the system…
-
Pour Some Sugar On Me
…The casualties of this war have been piling up and there appears to be no end in sight. Ever since the Backstreet boys and their kind surfaced in the music world, there’s been an obvious pattern to new musical groups coming out…
-
Bill and Ted’s bogus journey
…Everything is in blackout, we have no clue what’s around us, I just know charlie’s up ahead somewhere and that we’re gonna take care of him right good…
-
The United States of America can kiss my ass
the American people elected a fucking cowboy to office. They put their fate into the hands of a man I wouldn’t trust with an elastic gun. A man who had the temerity to state he didn’t discount the possibility of using nuclear weapons against countries that have weapons of mass destruction..
-
Unlock the Secret Money Making Power of the Internet
..how exactly could I have been intimately familiar with the workings of the on-line world, and have missed this money making magic..
Other recent features:
-
Sónar 2010 – Barcelona, Spain
The festival attracts a lot of outsiders, but the Mediterranean, Spanish and more specifically Catalan nature of the people makes the festival what it is. Catalan people are passionate and this passion is infectious. The atmosphere is electric in Barcelona as a city and heightened by music and intoxicants at Sónar.
-
Summer Party Naval Styles at Seven RestoLounge
Oysters, like wine are affected by terroir and these Miyagi’s flavor profiles ranged with one showing a cleaner, almost tropical profile and the other being more salty, marine driven. As I was devouring the seemingly endless plates put in front of us, I sipped on a glass of fine sauvignon blanc.
-
R4NT Radio March 2010
R4NT Radio March 2010 um wow it’s been far too long since the last edition edition, featuring: Hector Hernandez, The Infesticons, Blockhead, Gramatik, Emika, Thunderheist, Parov Stelar, Eddy Meets Yannah, Anti-Pop Consortium, The Slew, Lighterthief, Andreya Triana, Parasyte Woman, Mathon, Venetian Snares, and Funki Porcini.
-
O Restaurant & Lounge revisited
Calgary has a diverse set of urban communities, most of which have the ubiquitous strip mall watering hole. In the South West community of Marda Loop, a reinvention of this paradigm has been established.
-
Predictions 2010.. and beyond!
So 2010 eh? Almost but not quite (no year zero they say) another decade? It seems like just yesterday that the world was waiting for Y2K. R4NT started publishing in March 2001, so we’re not quite 10 years old yet, but in internet years we are already a senior citizen.
-
Invictus
No matter what, the reality of Nelson Mandela is something that deserves screen time. Should this film even remotely intrigue the masses to take interest in this figure, the world would likely benefit greatly from it.