Unlock the Secret Money Making Power of the Internet

by Crom

You know.. not a day goes by that I don’t hear an ad on the radio in which a baritone gentleman with a pleasant demeanor pleads with me to do myself a favor and order the information package that could revolutionize my money making life. Of course he makes no mention of what that entails. He doesn’t tell me what it involves (illegal or no), but he does tell me one thing: Send me some money. Yes, you heard me right, in order to unlock the secret money making power of the internet, you have to send some money to someone els..

I’ve been using the internet since 1993, back when they were wondering whether or not to have commercials (what a fucking thought eh..), so it’s safe to say I’m well versed in the various aspects of the internet. So the thing that messes with my head is how exactly could I have been intimately familiar with the workings of the on-line world, and have missed this money making magic? Well, that’s because it’s bullshit. Yeah, bullshit. I can tell you the one thing that makes a lot of money on the internet. Now, this is assuming that we neglect things like web development, intranets, basically businesses that make money making things FOR the internet, I’m talking about using the internet ITSELF to make money. Not “E-commerce” or any of that jive. There’s only one thing: PORN

Yeah, I said it. PORN…gobs of it. If you can figure out some way to deliver pornographic material to the masses, and charge them money for it, you’ll be rolling in freaking dough. I don’t understand what it is, but people (and I’m going to take a stab at the demographics of the situation and say men ages 35-45) are mesmerized with the porn available on the internet. Which I don’t understand really, since there’s so much free porn it’s bloody ridiculous. But, if you build it, they will.. come. It’s an interesting social barometer so to speak, if you look at the amount of porn that is viewed on the average day, it makes you wonder whether or not we as a species are capable of breaking out of the comfort zone and seeking live people to have sex with. Of course the majority of consistent porn viewers do so because they are unable to find someone who will put up with them, never mind have sex with them. Perhaps I can start a site that pairs up couples who rely on porn instead of normal relation..

The thing that kind of offends me about all this, is that these people attempting to sell the money making magic are belittling the very thing that I’ve devoted my life to. I’m a network technician, and I use computers and more importantly the internet everyday, at least 6 hours a day. It’s offensive that the thing I devote my time to is being sold as a parlor trick for making quick cash. Of course the flip side of that is that this is most likely a scam. This of course will lend even more credibility to my industry. It’s an amazing thing the amount of people who are so completely ignorant to the workings of something I take for granted. The internet will not make you money.

The other thing is, I’m not a big fan of the porn, which makes the money. It sucks up most of the bandwidth that could be used for just about any other constructive function. When the average cable user has almost no bandwidth to speak of, I can point the finger at porn sites, and I won’t be too far from the mark. You people are degrading the overall quality of the internet. You suck.

The long and the short of it is this, we need to find these fucks that are trying to sell the magic and kick their asses. I mean a serious beat down, with chains and stuff. And, perhaps we should lay into the people that are buying this information, for being so fucking stupid. The internet wont help your cash flow problems, getting a real job, stop smoking, quit drinking, use coupons and shop during sales, these might help. Of course, if you stopped spending all your money on porn, it would help too.

  • Unlock the Secret Money Making Power of the Internet
  • by Crom
  • Published on March 1st, 2002

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