A Dying Reality TV Producer

by Crom

…Oh god…i’m bleeding so much. Who would have thought that all those urban self defense classes could be so easily circumvented by a gun…Oh man…I hope my family isn’t too sad, I had a good run. They should celebrate my life, not mourn it. Well, my will is all made out, so I should be good in that respect…man I feel woozy….god I’m tired.

HEY! How come nobody ever thought about having a show, where the contestants have a roast beef fight? You know, running around, laughing, and throwing freshly sliced, warm roast beef. Heck they could dip it in gravy and get each other all messy, and …god I’m tired…and they could throw dinner rolls too. Just run around all crazy, throwing roast beef and bread. We could call it ?Where’s the Beef?? oh man, such a great retro tie in, how can we lose.

Damn it…I should have just given my wallet to him like he asked me to. Instead I gotta act like a god damn hero and try to wrestle his gun from him, damn, that first hit really hurt. But I feel pretty good now, nice and warm, not like before. Guess that’ll teach me for walking around this neighborhood in Gucci. Man, I want to flaunt, I’ve done really well in the Reality TV business of late, why shouldn’t I have nice clothes, and a good watch? Well, I guess I shouldn’t walk around with it all hanging out, suppose I deserve getting shot.

Oh man, I hope this isn’t like…a reality TV prank, where they drug me so I think I’m shot, and then film me shit my pants and cry like a baby only to revive me fully and show the whole world how much of a loser I am when I’m facing death. Well if that’s likely to happen I’m not going out like a sucker. Hmm…no, all this blood is pouring out of me, I think this is reality, and not reality TV. Shoot, I was really banking on that prank thing, I think I’m boned.

Oh man, why haven’t we done a show where we have like…a talent contest, with all sorts of random people, and if they do well we let them keep going, but if they do badly we hit like, a drum or a cymbal or something to make them get off the stag….oh shit! That was the Gong Show, that’s already been done by that crazy CIA assassin jack ass.. what’s his name….I don’t remember, DAMN i feel woozy. Getting hard to think. I should have caught that Roast Beef game a couple years back, must be slowing down in my early thirties.

Man, it’s getting harder to keep my eyes focused, and man I’m tired. I think I’m a goner, wish it had been that prank.

Chuck Barris! That’s who did the Gong Show, man that was good TV, wish I could have…..

  • A Dying Reality TV Producer
  • by Crom
  • Published on August 1st, 2005

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