The Boy who cried “Hacker!!”

by Crom

Last Friday night I was engaged in one of my few vices: Turning lamers on battle net into my whipping boy. Shameless as it may seem, I delight in knowing that I’ve bested someone on the proverbial battleground. Some may think this is a machoesque computer nerd thing, but I’d rather look at it as the way a chess master feels after a stunning victory. Only my chess pieces can go into siege mode and then CHECKMATE.

Regardless of my brilliant strategy (not so brilliant, but when no one notices all those tanks landing in the back of their base, their stupidity elevates your mundane strategy to godliness) this particular person chose to sound the cry of weak players, the world over. “You’re a hacker man! You totally didn’t scout my base!”

I have a couple of question in regards to this proclamation.

1) If you know for a fact that I didn’t do any recon on your base, then you must have been able to see the whole map in order to have SEEN the fact that nothing came near you, ERGO: You also were cheating.

2) What does having a cheat in an on-line game have to do with “hacking” since most mainstream cheats are released to the general public, it’s hard to understand how I could be some ELITE hacker.

3) Can’t you just live with the fact that you aren’t very good at this game? You weasely little bastard!

The part that makes me laugh the hardest is that most cheats are available to just about anybody; about 2 weeks after they’re released. More importantly, the cheat in question is in fact a maphack, allowing anyone who uses it to see everything on the map.

Now, even if I didn’t have the ability to see you, there’s only 6 other spots you could be in, which means sooner or later I’d have discovered you, so how is it that after 40 minutes of play, when I’ve crushed your forces with mass amount of troops, can you call me a hacker? It’s quite obvious you just SUCK at the game.

The hilarious part, is the number of people I’ve caught cheating, and who still lost despite this so called “Edge”. Of course the human minds ability to rationalize it’s own short comings is almost limitless, so it doesn’t surprise me that they cry “Hacker”, because they have to chose between “I suck at this game, and just lost bad” OR “This guy was cheating”! Of course I was cheating, you’re the best……

  • The Boy who cried “Hacker!!”
  • by Crom
  • Published on March 4th, 2001

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