Superhero, for your gums!

by David Gluzman

Ladies and Gentlemen the dating world is changing as we know it! Your dates are getting longer, and you’ve probably not even noticed the delay time to get that hot date in the sack. I’m not talking about the service you received at that shitty oval eyed restaurant, where you just blew your money on what you thought might have been chicken. I’m talking about the sad state of our movie theaters!

I swear to god if I see that “Raisins” ad one more time….

I don’t know about you, but I used to enjoy going to the movies while we paid about 7-8 bucks. You’d show up a bit early to catch the previews. Generally speaking I enjoyed watching previews. You could catch a glimpse of your favorite hottie in a killer new flick. Sometimes the previews would be really dull, but heck that’s a whole other rant. But now… Ugh the torture…

Not only do half the previews provide more entertainment value than the actual movie, they are simply deathly long in nature.

I’m really curious how this industry works, besides the fact that each movie (regardless on how brutal it is) grosses millions of dollars and the prices to watch theses movies keep going up. Sure theaters have to upgrade every so often, but heck. Ads before the lights go out, then ads when the lights finally go out, and then ads that you don’t even notice in the movie themselves. Remember that first time the lights came out and what you though was a preview to a killer new action film was actually a stupid ad? SIGH!

Fact. The reason why ads have come into the movie scene is to make sure shitty movies still make money.

I’ve provided a solution to our problem. Rather than delaying that oil change we all need, screw going to the movies on time. Heck, this world is so darn busy that we never have enough time to do what we want, don’t be silly and give “the man” all your darn money and time. LEAVE LATE! That’s my new motto. If you plan to see a movie at 9 o’clock leave at 9, and you’ll still see most of the movie (the first 10 minutes are drab anyways).

  • Superhero, for your gums!
  • by David Gluzman
  • Published on April 1st, 2001

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