Attack of the Wanna-Be Athletic Superstars

by MaxPower

This is a rant, a plain and simple rant. One of my biggest new pet peeves is those people who you see walking around schools, university and malls, decked out in the latest fashions who have one of the newest accessories, a water bottle. Water bottles used to be confined to gyms, athletic parks or any area of athletic activity, now they seem to be as indigenous as the oh-so-vile cellphone.

These water bottles come in many shapes and styles, from the cheap version of a bottle of “spring water” purchased at the local supermarket, to more uptown versions expressing any number of athletically inclined corporate logos.

My rant about water bottles is not them per se, rather the people who use them as the latest athletic fashion accessory. I have experienced numerous examples of people slurping (not drinking slurping, as of course these bottles have little pop-up lids to keep them from spilling, so it requires a mighty slurp when finishing a sip) right in the middle of conversations, during class at school, or even in public areas like an elevator.

Let me describe some of my experiences, and perhaps you can relate to the annoyance caused by this new wave in healthy drinking. It used to be people only carried their books to class at any university, but now it seems a good quarter of the university population carries water bottles around, apparently to prevent dehydration from walking the 2 minutes in-between classes.

There is one classic case that sticks out in my mind; I was writing a final exam that consisted of 2 or 3 essay questions. I was sat in my normal seat and a gentleman sat beside me carrying not a 600ml or 1 litre bottle, but a 2 litre pop bottle filled up with water. When the exam started and he looked at the questions he obviously got very nervous. He did not set pen to paper for at least 20 minutes and when he did it was to scribble down a sentence or two.

After 30 minutes, he must have had a vision of himself failing the course and started to dehydrate, that would seem the only logical explanation, as he started to quickly drink his water down. Not in huge gulps mind you, but a sip, then replace the cap, then a sip, then replaced the cap and then a sip… it was SO ANNOYING.

This continued for at least an hour, so that he had written only a paragraph but had managed to down a good part of the 2 litre bottle. I on numerous occasions looked over and made signals to cut it out but he seemed oblivious to the annoyance of someone drinking every 2 seconds for almost 2 hours. Then finally the water caught up with him and he had to go to the bathroom, I took this opportunity to surreptitiously unscrew the top of his water and knock it over, ending his drinking, when he got back he looked lost as he sat down in a puddle of water.

This anecdote highlights my complaint, people who are addicted to water bottles seem not to care that others have to hear their slurping and gulping in areas which drinking or eating would not normally be acceptable, yet they have no problem bringing their precious water, as if the world will dry up this instant.

I request that all R4nt readers unite and start being militant about this common pest, the wanna-be athletic superstar (and that’s another thing, these people for the most part would work up a sweat eating and breathing let alone doing anything physically demanding) and start to make people ashamed of this habit.

Imagine a world of a slurping and non-slurping section in restaurants and schools, a utopian paradise maybe, because generally, people are stupid.

  • Attack of the Wanna-Be Athletic Superstars
  • by MaxPower
  • Published on April 1st, 2001

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