Soda Pop will destroy the universe
For a long time the stalemate between Pepsi and Coke has made for a competitive market in the soft drink corner of the world. Although it has also given birth to many a horror ( ie. Crystal Pepsi, Coke II) it’s kept the big name soda makers on their toes. But, more and more, I’ve begun to notice a trend with the big names, the trend of buying up any good idea, and putting it up against the other guy. Seemingly non associated brands of soda have begun to sport the tiny print of “coca-cola ltd.” And “whatever the hell pepsi says” on their cans. And, of course, once they get their grubby hands on something, they take control, and make it different.
In 1995 there was a tiny soda manufacturer out of Edmonton, Alberta, called “Happy Pop”. They made refreshing sodas that were much like the no name brands you see around, but that didn’t taste like crap. They had the favorites, cola, root beer, orange and grape; they came in sweet 1 liter bottles, and 500 ml stubbies (you know old beer bottles). Not a day went by where I didn’t walk the 5 blocks to the BARBER shop that sold them near my high school. I still have one of the bottles, sweet candy. They don’t exist anymore.
This is what a soda company is now. It’s akin to the small tech company that tries to get bought out by MS. They make their product solely to catch the attention of a big name company and get their asses bought into the family. Godfather would be proud. The more alarming thing is that the competition has started to get crazy. It’s spilled over into everything now. Coke and Pepsi are no longer reserving themselves to buying up soft drink makers; they now own half of Hollywood. AOL-TIMEWARNER-COKE vs. PEPSI-MGM-UNIVERSAL. The big match up, and who can stuff more product shots into their movies.
At this rate they’ll own more, and have more control, then any government. This of course lends itself to many a conspiracy theory. Such as:
- Mormons own coke and are taking control of us all with caffeine
- Walt Disney isn’t dead, and is trying to take back Hollywood
- The world wild life federation is a death cult.
- Pepsi and Coke are owned by twin brothers who hate each other
- Pepsi and Coke is owned by one guy, who hates himself
- Our economy collapsed, government isn’t telling us.
- I’m drunk again and the only thing I can read is a coke can
- I ran out of ideas in the middle of writing this.
Sooner or later they’re gonna have all the power. And the next world war is gonna be against companies, not countries. They’ll battle it out over the precious remaining ingredients in the world, and kill each other for last drops of caramel colour. All that will remain is the broken husk of the world. Well… that and RC cola. Ugh.
- Soda Pop will destroy the universe
- by Crom
- Published on August 1st, 2002
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