Originality, the forgotten lore
Someone, a long time ago, said that every story has been told. And, that anything newly produced is merely a rehash of the old, with a new twist. Although this is a jaded point of view, it seems to be true in the world of movies. The term “formulaic” is never uttered more often then in the movie business. The amazing thing however, isn’t the amount of plots that are pirated in Hollywood. That’s to be expected, since the writer’s creed is “Sand off the serial numbers and run”. The amazing thing is people’s reaction to the movies that are obvious, heavy handed remakes of earlier plot lines.
It seems that anytime a movie deviates from the expected outcome, it’s considered a marvel of cinematography. If the viewer is someone misled from the expected, or if the plot doesn’t follow the norm, then the movie is considered genius.
Much to my bafflement. For after watching these films I generally made some remark that went as follows: “You know, that’s 2 hours of my life, I’m never getting back”. And so, here are 5 examples of cretinism:
FaceOff: I should have known better, I mean John Woo for Christ’s sake. This movie made God cry, and stunt coordinators laugh. The whole premise was fishy, and over used in other genre’s (see: The Prince and the Pauper). The idea had predictable outcomes written all over it, with the whole “No you’re confusing him with the badguy!” twist occurring every other minute. I especially liked the 30 seconds of flight both characters had after they crashed the speed boat, rather then the reality: their bodies smashing into mush.
The Blair Witch Project: If you were scared watching this movie, I weep for you. I’ve never been more ripped off in my life. At no point did I think this movie had a shred of credibility, and the whole “It’s fake, but not fake” thing was pretty lame. Shakey camera work doesn’t make me think “Genuine” it makes me think “Hold the fucking camera still”.
The Cell: Oh my god. I don’t remember the name at the moment, but there was in fact a movie about a psychic who was trapped in the mind of a serial murderer, forced to watch and feel as he murdered his victims. Granted that this story was more along the lines of Kiss the girls, it still held to the same premise. This movie fell into a category of films that I wont go into, except to say that many of the films that make up what I’m talking about are like it. Eye candy, that’s it. An excuse to produce massive visual effects, and wow the audience, with little consideration to the story, or the context.
The Scream Series: One of these was offensive enough, making 3 was just cruel. Scare films are almost a thing of the past, since the slough of them that came out with the coming of Friday the 13th, more then scared the hell out of us. A white mask wont cut it sparky.
The Nutty Fucking Professor: Don’t get me started.
It seems that like faithful sheep, people flock to these movies and then spread the word of how good they are. Likening themselves to a virus. Visual effects will not impress me, unless they are preceded and followed by a good plot, character development and other such considerations that, while most don’t believe so, make a movie good. I’m not asking for the Quest For Fire, in every movie I go to see ( I’m the guy who thought Army Of Darkness was hilarious) but trying to woo me with bad effects will only breed contempt. Perhaps if movie producers and directors stopped doing so much coke, this problem wouldn’t exist.
Ps. 5 movies I really loved cuz I DIDN’T expect what happened
- The Boondock Saints
- Mallrats
- Way of the Gun
- Requiem For a Dream
- And Goonies… cuz man, it’s fucking GOONIES.
- Originality, the forgotten lore
- by Crom
- Published on January 1st, 2002
More from Crom:
-
Things I’d Steal Were I Homeless
Plan the items I will no doubt require when I am finally bequeathed to the warm bosom of concretes loving embrace.
-
A Dying Reality TV Producer
How come nobody ever thought about having a show, where the contestants have a roast beef fight? You know, running around, laughing, and throwing freshly sliced, warm roast beef.
-
Ladies and Gentlemen of the House.
…In their 1969, Charger, painted orange with the confederate flag on the top, and named “The General Lee” they raced, burned, jumped, peeled, rocketed, cannon balled and buffed out…
-
The 6 ½ reasons I woke up drunk in Perkins
..what chain of events were so skewed as to leave me stranded at a all night diner, a long way from home, extremely inebriated and with little to no recollection of the past 24 hours..
-
Sony CyberShot DCS-P32
Sony’s little cybershot is indeed handy. Fast, light and sleek looking it appeals to the esthetic and the technical. I picked up this bad boy in order to have a camera for my travels into the US, and it’s been good to me. The layout of the back panel is standard to all digital cameras …
-
Crom Vs. EA Games: The Battle for Fun
I pray that one day the people at last throw down the shackles of EA oppression and realize that bigger and better is achieved by quality and not by the power of a corrupt and merciless Brand name.
Other recent features:
-
Sónar 2010 – Barcelona, Spain
The festival attracts a lot of outsiders, but the Mediterranean, Spanish and more specifically Catalan nature of the people makes the festival what it is. Catalan people are passionate and this passion is infectious. The atmosphere is electric in Barcelona as a city and heightened by music and intoxicants at Sónar.
-
Summer Party Naval Styles at Seven RestoLounge
Oysters, like wine are affected by terroir and these Miyagi’s flavor profiles ranged with one showing a cleaner, almost tropical profile and the other being more salty, marine driven. As I was devouring the seemingly endless plates put in front of us, I sipped on a glass of fine sauvignon blanc.
-
R4NT Radio March 2010
R4NT Radio March 2010 um wow it’s been far too long since the last edition edition, featuring: Hector Hernandez, The Infesticons, Blockhead, Gramatik, Emika, Thunderheist, Parov Stelar, Eddy Meets Yannah, Anti-Pop Consortium, The Slew, Lighterthief, Andreya Triana, Parasyte Woman, Mathon, Venetian Snares, and Funki Porcini.
-
O Restaurant & Lounge revisited
Calgary has a diverse set of urban communities, most of which have the ubiquitous strip mall watering hole. In the South West community of Marda Loop, a reinvention of this paradigm has been established.
-
Predictions 2010.. and beyond!
So 2010 eh? Almost but not quite (no year zero they say) another decade? It seems like just yesterday that the world was waiting for Y2K. R4NT started publishing in March 2001, so we’re not quite 10 years old yet, but in internet years we are already a senior citizen.
-
Invictus
No matter what, the reality of Nelson Mandela is something that deserves screen time. Should this film even remotely intrigue the masses to take interest in this figure, the world would likely benefit greatly from it.