Music, Oscillators and Porno
It has been suggested in an internal monologue between myself and my other self in my head that music hyped, created, produced, and hyped even more as “progressive” music is more boring than a porno starring porn-stars who took a bath in a vat of invisibility cream before every scene.
I can’t speak for all invisible-porno fetishists out there, but do people actually like and enjoy Sigur Ros, Godspeed you Black Emperor or Boards of Canada? Is it actually exciting? How about Aphex Twin? Autechre? Mogwai? Massive Attack? Shall I go on?
For all ambient, trance, drum & bass (and whatever else I’ve forgotten) enthusiasts, I won’t go on. I do recognize that music progressive in nature is great, but is there truly a need to suck all the life and excitement out of a song or album to make the Top 40 of the Year list in Spin Magazine? There is no problem with replacing the traditional 4-piece guitar, bass, drum, and vocals band with a studio decked out with Pro-tools and all the state-of-the-art equipment in the world without strings, but as soon as the musical dynamic and life of a song and album ceases to exist, it’s boring, no matter how much the equipment costs, no matter how much drugs the artist was on and certainly no matter how cool the artist is because of how much drugs he/she/they were on. Melody, in the case of the aforementioned artists, is a dead squirrel, run over by many a semi-truck along Highway 22.
See, in order for (in this case) a song to be exciting, pretend to graph out a song in a manner similar to an oscillator. The y-axis on the graph should represent the dynamic of the song (dynamic representing things such as fluctuations in volume, rhythmic variations, repetition of choruses or verses, key changes, musical segways, etc…) while the x-axis should represent time or length of the song. One would expect an exciting song to see many spikes and variations in the curve along the course of that song, not a solid straight line that goes parallel along the x-axis.
Enough! Firstly, my oscillator theory points to a direction that suggests I need to get out more often. Secondly, I am returning my roots back to songs (not albums, for the moment; that’s just too hard) that makes it all exciting again. I want melodies that inject coolness back into playing air-guitar again. I want sing-along pop songs that I am not embarrassed to sing-along to. I want songs with purpose, with closure, with a dynamic. I want real porno.
Experimentalist or progressive in nature, I don’t care. Here are five songs that by the time you’ve finished downloading them, er, buying them, you’ll have to drive an ice pick squarely through your head to get it out.
- Letter from an Occupant by The New Pornographers. It’s a brilliant return to 80’s brit-pop for those nostalgic for The Stone Roses and The Smiths. Neko Case starts the song incredibly fast-paced and just when you think it can’t go faster, the song cranks itself faster and faster (or so it seems) by a chant, backed by heavily distorted guitars and crashing drums that goes “The song, the song, the song that’s shaking me!”
- Nothing Can Stop Us by St. Etienne. Laid back disco/dance track driven by muted trumpets and flutes. The absolute antithesis of Portishead. It’s a shame they no longer sound like this.
- New Born by Muse. Travelling Radiohead territory pre Ok Computer, it starts very restrained and ends by blowing the tweeter in your speaker. Choirboy voice and all.
- Jurras Finish First by Jurassic 5. Click on this link: http://www.ohhla.com/anonymous/jur_5/quality/finish_1.ju5.txt and read along while listening to the song. It’s like they’re playing hot potato with words.
- Zerotonine by Junkie XL. This is perhaps the first time I’ve heard hip-hop, rap, and radio-friendly alternative pop successfully blended in a 4-minute span. Dan the Automator, you kick ass, but please take note.
- Music, Oscillators and Porno
- by Terence Leung
- Published on August 1st, 2001
More from Terence Leung:
-
An Illustrated Guide to Playing Guitar Like a Lazy Person
Why actually learn to play the solo in Metallica’s “One”, when you can imagine yourself playing it with a tennis racquet in front of a mirror?
-
Scary Movie 3
I’m a big fan of dookie jokes. Just love them. Dick and fart jokes too. Pee jokes are just as good. Oh, and don’t forget boobie jokes. I love boobie jokes, mostly because I love boobies and when they make jokes about boobies it just adds to the overall experience.
So, enter Scary Movie 3. One … -
Review: Radiohead – Amnesiac
Lets put it this way, I’ve listened to Radiohead’s entire back catalogue as religiously as Michael Bolton fans listen to Michael Bolton’s back catalogue and yes, these two “artists” (can you guess which “artist” I am putting the quotations to? Because if you can’t, stop right now, and sell your stereo for a fucking haircut. …
-
Coldplay – A Rush of Blood to the Head
With the alternative-tortured soul-rock music market in the UK well covered by Mercury Cold Prize pets Travis, Beth Orton, Starsailor, Elbow, David Gray, Turin Brakes and company; certain conventions can be placed on what Jack Black’s character Barry from High Fidelity called “Old Sad Bastard Music.”
There are rules that are very stringent and deviants will … -
Oasis – Heathen Chemistry
Ok folks, I don’t know how else to say this, so I’m just going to say it: This “album” is pure shit.
Pure, obsolete, runny and unholy shit.
Is it all you need to hear then? Sweet merciful crap, review over.
Wet, lather, rinse and repeat review. As a matter of fact, you can do the same to … -
The Anti Anti-Top Ten Songs of the Year List – The Belated Edition
Here are the top ten songs of my special version of the calendar year that I like and no one else that I know likes and if they knew I liked them they wouldn’t like me anymore because I like them..
Other recent features:
-
Sónar 2010 – Barcelona, Spain
The festival attracts a lot of outsiders, but the Mediterranean, Spanish and more specifically Catalan nature of the people makes the festival what it is. Catalan people are passionate and this passion is infectious. The atmosphere is electric in Barcelona as a city and heightened by music and intoxicants at Sónar.
-
Summer Party Naval Styles at Seven RestoLounge
Oysters, like wine are affected by terroir and these Miyagi’s flavor profiles ranged with one showing a cleaner, almost tropical profile and the other being more salty, marine driven. As I was devouring the seemingly endless plates put in front of us, I sipped on a glass of fine sauvignon blanc.
-
R4NT Radio March 2010
R4NT Radio March 2010 um wow it’s been far too long since the last edition edition, featuring: Hector Hernandez, The Infesticons, Blockhead, Gramatik, Emika, Thunderheist, Parov Stelar, Eddy Meets Yannah, Anti-Pop Consortium, The Slew, Lighterthief, Andreya Triana, Parasyte Woman, Mathon, Venetian Snares, and Funki Porcini.
-
O Restaurant & Lounge revisited
Calgary has a diverse set of urban communities, most of which have the ubiquitous strip mall watering hole. In the South West community of Marda Loop, a reinvention of this paradigm has been established.
-
Predictions 2010.. and beyond!
So 2010 eh? Almost but not quite (no year zero they say) another decade? It seems like just yesterday that the world was waiting for Y2K. R4NT started publishing in March 2001, so we’re not quite 10 years old yet, but in internet years we are already a senior citizen.
-
Invictus
No matter what, the reality of Nelson Mandela is something that deserves screen time. Should this film even remotely intrigue the masses to take interest in this figure, the world would likely benefit greatly from it.